Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's the barista slut.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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