Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize