So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
