so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
