he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
