He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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