So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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