Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
