i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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