Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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