The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
