Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
