My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
