what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
