now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
