3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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