After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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