Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
