he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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