on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
