Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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