I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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