I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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