Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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