I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
