My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
