I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
