this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
