I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
