So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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