Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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