Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
