mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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