Kiss
Puke
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
