at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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