never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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