it hurts more in the daytime
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
