i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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