It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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