I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
