The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
