Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
