I'm so fucking centered right now
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
