what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
