My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
