Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
