Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
