This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
