seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
