i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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