I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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