i love accidental penises.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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