I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize