my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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