I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
