i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
