I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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