Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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