There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
