Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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