I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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