My friends, they love my intelligence
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
