I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
