I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize