How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
