what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Everyone says I win the strip club
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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