Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
