you're like a bully in the Christmas story
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
