We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
