OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
