You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
