I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize