Porn is love you can see.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
