Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
