I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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